It's a stage, right?

With age four came the inevitable emergence of potty humor.  "Fart", "butt", "penis", and "poop" are the punch line of many a joke around these parts.  In a fit of frustration, I asked Uncle when they would grow out of it, and he responded, "They're boys, right? Yeah, probably never."

But another phenomenon - not new, but definitely intensified in the past six months, is the sibling rivalry/painful whininess vortex.

"That's MINE!"

"I had that FIRST!"

"That's MY spot!"

"I want to sit in the middle!"

"Mommy, he won't play with me!"

"Mommy, he won't leave me alone!"

"Mommy, he's being mean - get him!"

"Mommy, I want a turn! Put ON THE TIMER!"

(I'm using "he" and "him", but this should in no way be construed to imply that Caroline is not at fault equally with her brothers in these instances.)

"I want to take a bath with Daniel." "No! I want to take a bath by myself!"

And what do I want?  I want to pull my hair out!  I want to somehow be the mom who cleverly avoids the cliches like,  "If you can't share your toys, maybe I should just throw them out, how about that?" or "Oh, that's what you want?  Well, what I want is children who don't fight with each other all the time, so I guess we're just all going to be disappointed today," or "That's not your spot, that's MY spot - this whole house is MY spot, and I'm just being NICE and letting you borrow it!"

What I end up with is usually closer to, "Well, sweetie, can he borrow it for a little while?  (no, I had it first) I know you had it first, but if he asks you politely, can he have it? (NO, I'm playing with it!) OK, that's OK, (to other child) Sorry, honey, he's playing with it right now, can I get you something else to play with? (crying) I know that's what you want, but maybe you can play with it later.  Let's go look for something else. (more crying, followed by the stubborn possessor of the toy to all of a sudden turn magnanimous and say, "You can have it.  Here, Mommy, he can have it now.")  So, was he won over by his brother's pleading?  Did he sense Mommy at the end of her rope?  Or was he done with the toy all along, but just enjoyed stringing us along to see how upset everyone could get?  We may never know.

I know that these sibling rivalries happen in all households and are not unique to triplets, but they are particularly painful with triplets.  With mixed-age kids, you might be able to lean on the "good big brother/sister" angle.  With twins, you could do a timer/swap system that might actually work.  But three is an odd number and the minute I get two of them calmed down and playing nicely, invariably, the third will feel left out or will want to play something else or will just generally want to whine to get equivalent attention.

And before you email me positive parenting suggestions, I know them all.  I just don't have time for them.  Or energy.  So we bargain and dialogue and, if nothing else, when they're grown up into whiny, selfish teenagers they'll have good verbal skills!

But the fighting is not the only stage we're in, communication-wise - there's the flat refusal to say what they mean.

"I'm hungry."

"OK, what do you want?"

"I don't know - you guess."

"Do you want an apple?  Or an orange?"

"No.  I want something that's in the refrigerator."

"What?"

"I don't know."

"Then I can't get it for you, can I?"

"Hmm...I want something that is in the frigerator and is red."

"You want ketchup?"

"NO!  I want something that is in the frigerator and is red and is BERRIES."

or worse...

"I want something that is round and is a cookie."

or...

"I want something blue that is in the frigerator that is bouncy and looks like a superhero." (this was specific to the time around their birthday party when I was practicing the recipe for Super Hero Jell-O jigglers.)

And, of course, the attitude toward me is always a winner.  My favorite has to be when I bring them dinner or clothes that they haven't previously picked out.  The boys will scream, "NO! I did not TELL YOU to bring me THAT!"  As you can imagine, this is met with a good deal of sarcasm about what they get to "tell me" and whose responsibility it is to decide such things.  When they are not receptive to this, they will parry with all sorts of variations of "I don't like you," or even threats of "I'm going to kick you in your butt" when they're especially peeved.  Luckily, no butt-kicking has actually taken place.

Oh, and the irrational fears?  That's going to pass, right?

Just over a year ago, Daniel broke his arm and when his cast came off, he was bizarrely afraid of going up or down the stairs alone, insisting on being carried.  And then, one day, he was over it.  And then, just as unexpectedly, he was afraid again and needed to hold hands and to sit down on the threshold to scoot across it.

Max is afraid when he's alone in a room.  Never mind that everyone else is in the very next room and that we can all SEE EACH OTHER, he needs someone to be in the room WITH him.  And his siblings won't do - he wants "someone who is a grown up".

And there's being afraid to sleep through the night in their room.  When they break in and want to sleep with me, it's because they're "afwaid".  And when Daniel and Caroline have both come in, then Max will wake up and be afraid  to be alone in his room.

And I keep thinking to myself, "this too shall pass, right?"