I want to be happy to...

Sometimes, the kids get their mind set on something specific - being the first to wake up or get dressed or something banal like that, or maybe they just wake up in a bad mood.  Upon seeing that they haven't gotten their way, they wail like pint-sized banshees.

As much as I want to take the time when they're this upset to sit down with them and find out what the issue is and calm their little toddler nerves, it's just not always possible with the other two running around.  When we finally get a moment to address the whining, the refrain is the same, "I want to be happy to..."  whatever it is - "I want to be happy to get out of the car."  "I want to be happy to go up the stairs."  "I want to be happy to wake up." "I want to be happy to get dressed."

This was very confusing for quite some time, until we determined that they simply wanted a do-over. They want us to put them back in the car, take them back down the stairs, let them lie down under the blankets and pretend to snore, undress them, at which point they stop crying, smile big smiles, and jump into the activity.  It's like they have their own little reset buttons that take them back to their happy place.

The more frustrating thing, honestly, is when they fixate on something one of the other kids has done.  For example, when Max screamed for twenty-five minutes that, "NO! I want to be happy for Caroline to put on her pajamas!"  This requires the sibling to become complicit in the delusion, agreeing to go back to the arbitrary happy moment in the past when things went so horribly wrong.  In some cases, it's fine.  Daniel's OK taking his shoes off so that Caroline can be happy for him to put them on.  Max will go back to bed so that Daniel can be happy for him to get up.  But sometimes, they don't want to.

And other times, I don't want them to.  I don't want to set up expectations that if you scream and cry enough, people will do what you want them to.  I don't want Caroline to think she has to take her PJs off because somebody is crying because she won't.  So that continues to be a struggle for balance.

And I continue to struggle not to answer their, "I want to be happy to..." pleas with, "and I want a child who doesn't whine!"  So far, so good.

Max's addendum to this behavior is "My tummy hurts to…" when he doesn't want to do something.  "Come on, Max, let's go get dressed for school." "NO! Mommy!  My tummy hurts about going to school! My tummy really, really hurts to go to school!"  Of course, it doesn't hurt enough to go back to bed or see the doctor...